Aramis Ramirez

Same story, different day. I swear, this sounds like a familiar plotline. A corpulent, Hispanic starting pitcher takes the mound for the Cubs, gives up multiple moonshots in his first inning of work, calls out a corner infielder for making some negligible error, and a "scuffle" breaks out in the Cubs dugout.

As a former boss of mine once said when I told him that I wanted a raise, "how does it feel to want"?

Well, Aramis Ramirez apparently wants something and that something is to swipe a few bags.

While I probably have a better chance of dating Keeley Hazell than Ramirez does of becoming a base stealer, it just goes to show you what passes for news in the spring.

Carlos Zambrano has been to the mountaintop and back.

He has braved the treacherous climb, studied with the celebrated Dharma bums in the Himalayas, found inner peace with the spirit of Maharishi Mahesh Yogi and even spent a few months in the swamps of Dagobah under Jedi master Yoda.

He is ready.

Of course, we all know it has been awhile since the Chicago Cubs tasted a World Series victory, although many fans just refer to it as "Back in '08." Just to make sure you're caught up, Henry Ford produced his first Model T the same year the Cubs last won, in 1908.

What can the Cubs do to end of of the most scrutinized and devastating losing streaks in sports history? Well, there are many, but here are the five most important steps the Cubs need to take to grasp a World Series title in 2011.

The Chicago Cubs are a great team. I may be a big White Sox fan, but I'm no slouch when it comes to knowing baseball. Believe me when I say that the Cubs will be bad next year.

Every year it's the same. The Cubs are World Series favorites, they start off hot, but then the second half is filled with losses and they eventually miss the championship series.

And, I am very happy.

But this article isn't about me. This piece is about the Cubs and their misfortunes.

The key to a successful fantasy baseball draft is maximizing the return value on each of your picks. At the start of each draft, everybody will have an equal value's worth of picks; therefore, unless you target players who could potentially exceed the value of the pick they were drafted with, you will finish your draft in the middle of the pack. One of the best types of player to target when attempting to maximize value is the player who disappointed the previous year. Logically, his value will be its lowest following a poor season; hence the appeal to targeting these players.

The Chicago Cubs are having fun on the road.

They scored a total of eight runs in the first four innings on Saturday night as they beat the Houston Astros 8-3 in the second game of the final series of the 2010 season.

They improve the record of their current season-ending road trip to 5-1 and they will get a chance to sweep their division arch-rivals Sunday afternoon.

One minute, Cubs third baseman Aramis Ramirez is quoted as considering the possibility of not picking up his option for 2011. The next thing you know he’s telling the Sun-Times, ''I'm staying here, put it that way.''

This sounds to me like a guy who is working with the Cubs front office to restructure his contract.

Inconsistent.

To sum up the Chicago Cubs of 2010 in one word, that word is the clear choice. Until a seven-game skid from late July into early August, the team had not won or lost more than four games in a row all season. They have played 31 games decided by six or more runs, going 11-20. In their 47 one-run games, they are 17-30.

It is somewhat unfair, however, and certainly not constructive, to simply dismiss Chicago as having had a bad team. That is not the case.

There has been a lot of traffic over the question of what exactly the Cubs are going to do at the first base position since Derrek Lee left the team.  There has been a lot of fanfare regarding Tyler Colvin’s move to first, but Mike Quade seems to have squelched that idea. So what are the Cubs to do? Well there are many options, some more possible than others.