Just when local sportswriters were trying to come up with some new headlines for the Red Sox losing streak, the team came up with a win, negating hours of hard work by writers across the nation.
Pessimistic Sox-haters will say it’s only one game. They may go into another tailspin and the following headlines remain fitting and proper with a horrendous start.
Some of the headlines considered by hard-working sportswriters and editors include:
“Yesterday the Red Sox sailed down the Charles River on a duck boat and promptly sank.”
“We have met the enemy and his eyes are pinstriped.”
“Don’t fire until you see the yellow of Theo's eyes.”
“We have not yet begun to play.”
“Say it ain’t so, Gonzo.”
“Wake, wake me when it’s over.”
“Give me a winning team, or let me die slowly.”
“Live free, or play the Red Sox.”
“Hope springs eternal, except in Boston.”
“The Red Sox team lays an egg.”
“Red Sox have to crawl before they can walk.”
“It’s a far, far better thing they do than play baseball.”
“A stitch in nine saves, no wins.”
“June is busting out all over, but unfortunately it’s April.”
“Women and children should be the first to the exits at Fenway.”
“Don’t shoot until you see the red sock in his eyes.”
“Red Sox always give a sucker an even break.”
“No runs, no hits, no errors, no strikes, no balls.”
“A losing team by any other name still stinks.”
“Something is rotten at the park called Fenway.”
“Mission Accomplished! Sort of.”
“Every Red Sox team kills the thing it loves: fan support.”
“Remember the Alamo? Remember the Maine? Remember the 1962 Red Sox?”
“To lose or not to lose is no longer a question.”
“God rest ye merry Red Sox fans.”
“How can the Red Sox lose? Let me count the ways.”
“Oh, say, can you see the football season?”
“It’s always darkest before the Red Sox win.”
“It’s time to change the Red Sox diapers, Theo.”
“Sign Pedro.”
“And the winner is: uh-oh.”
If the Red Sox win eight in a row, these headlines are last week’s news.
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